All Things Horse

Forty-seven Years Of Horse Experience – At Your Service!

A Horse Wife Is…,

A sentimental fool! She displays a minimum of 6 8×10 color photos of her horse, and carries a crumpled snapshot of you (taken before you were married) somewhere in the bottom of her purse!

Easy to locate! She’s either out on the horse or in the barn!
Upholds the double standard! Smooches with the most bewhiskered beast, but recoils when you need a shave!

Owns but one vacuum cleaner and operates it exclusively in the barn! A social butterfly! Providing the party is given by another horsy wife! Falls asleep in her soup at all other functions!

Economy minded! Won’t waste money on permanents, facials or manicures! A culinary perfectionist!

Checks every section of hay for mold but doesn’t blink when she petrifies your dinner in the microwave! Occasionally amorous. But never leaves lipstick on your collar! At worst a slight trace of chapstick!

Easy to outfit! No need for embarrassing visits to uncomfortable little boutiques! You can find all she wears at your local tack store.

Features a selective sense of smell! Bitterly complains about your sticky sweet cigar smoke while remaining totally oblivious to the almost visible aroma of her barn boots drying next to the heater!

Unmistakable in bathing suits! She’s the one whose tan starts at the nose, ends at the neck, and picks up again at the wrist!

A dedicated clubwoman as long as the words “horse” and/or “riding” appear in its name! Has your leisure at heart! Eliminates grass cutting by turning every square inch of lawn into pasture (which, in turn, converts itself into MUD)!

A master at multiplication! She starts with one horse, ads a companion, and if it’s a mare she breeds it!

Keeps an eagle eye on the budget! Easily justifies spending hundreds of dollars but croaks when you spend $10 for a tie!

An engaging conversationalist! Can rattle on endlessly about training and the pros and cons of castration! Socially aware! Knows that formal occasions call for clean boots!

A moving force in the family! House by house, she will get you to move closer and closer to horse country (and farther from your job)!

Easy to please! A new wheelbarrow, custom boots, or even a folding hoof-pick will win her heart forever! Shows her affection in unusual ways! If she pats you on the neck and says, “You’re a good boy”. Believe it or notice she loves you! There is no secret so close as that between a rider and her horse.

My Personal Outlook On Life

The other day I was asked by another lady on the net, how many times I was asked, “Do you love your horse more then me?” Without even thinking, I responded, “I don’t know anyone stupid enough to ask that question. They all know the answer would be ‘YES’ a thousand times ‘YES!!!’

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May 27, 2009 - Posted by | horsing around

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